The Woodcock Update: The Weekend NFL Recap Three Days Late

I’m back. After four days blogless TPA’s fearless and most handsome dictator is making his return. My hiatus had many reasonings, a few being the most important. First off, I procrastinated literally all of my pre-break work and was holed up in my dorm writing C- essays instead of, if we’re being honest, D+ blogs. As I was doing this work I came down with an illness. While many would argue it was the common cold I believe it was much worse. Whole weekend was a complete crapshoot, gladly my extreme and arguably worst string of misfortune in the world, ever, did not leak into the souls of my beloved teams. So here is the first installment of the Tuesday Post-Weekend Recap.

  • The Patriots own the NFL, it’s a tale as old as I and quite possibly may never end. Another week and another team absolutely dismantled. We don’t even need home field, the Patriots will march on down to Mexico and prove that the only thing Oakland was Raiding was the President’s Twitter Account. Pat’s win another one by a million, Derek Carr proves he’s overrated for the billionth time, and Trump throws his trillionth NFL-related tantrum after he bankrupted the USFL almost singlehandedly.

Trump Marshawn

  • Did anyone else catch the interception-factory of quarterbacks the rest of the AFC East rolled out this weekend? I mean there’s been some bad runs of gunslingers inn this division outside of Foxborough, but this was an all timer. Jay Cutler, Josh McCown, and whoever Nate Peterson, Peterman, Scooterwoman, no matter the name it was a fantastic spectacle to watch. Apparently Petersmith was the Pitt QB to beat Clemson last year, which is now enough to earn you a start over T-Mobile. If that’s the case then it’s time for the Bills to bring Ol’ Unreliable E.J Manuel back after  his 2012 win over Clemson.
  • Speaking of Nate Parkerstein’s playing time, did he make the most of his big chance?

DUmpster Fire.gif

Nothing like five first half picks to get the Bills’ Mafia into a winter long depression. The worst part about this is given how shitty the AFC Wildcard race is this year, 8-8 most likely would get Buffalo into the playoffs. So keep losing games Buffalo, and for the love of God let Tyrod go be appreciated on another team.

  • Sneakily my favorite tweet of the weekend was a perfectly Ice Cube installment. After watching his beloved Raiders got circumcised by Handsome Tom and Company, Mr. Cube took to “The Twitt” as the kids call it and expressed his frustrations. In all honesty the tweet wasn’t even that funny, but coming from Ice it was a heartwarming read.

Ice Cube Tweet.jpeg

P.S: All time reply from @drinknatty, who is either a baby riding a dog or a Twitter-using/Ice Cube-listening dog who gives rides to babies. Either way, all time turnstile from Mr. Drink Natty using the Cube’s lyrics against him.

  • I LOVE the fact that the NFC is an absolute slugfest every year. Each passing regular season introduces these pretender playoff teams who somehow go 12-4 en route to an inevitable loss to one of the teams that actually deserves to be there. If you think the Vikings or the Saints are making any real splash in the playoffs then I’d advise you to avoid the sports gambling scene with your garbage takes.

 

  • Lastly, if anyone in the world besides these insufferable contrarian media personalities who will spew any spineless take if it gets them clicks believes that anyone but the Patriots are the “team to beat” in the East, I hate you and you smell. Woody Out, hiatus over and its time for the blog machine to start pumping again.

    Author: Woody

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