An Open Letter To The AFC North


A man can only take so much disappointment in his life. Aside from my shaky at best ability to maintain relationships most of this sadness spawns from football. As a Patriots fan, I was in turn a Cincinnati super fan last night. Year after year it’s the same old situation around early December. The Patriots are something to the tune of 10-2, and the Steel Curtain is right in the rearview. All the Pats needed was for one of these goddamn division rivals to come through and beat Pittsburgh so we can have our beloved home field in the playoffs. I know some of you may be scared of Big Benny Beer Gut, but fear not. The Steelers have never beaten ol’ Sith Lord Belichick in the playoffs and I have no reason to believe that’s changing this year.

Last night the Bengals were in the drivers seat the whole game. Pittsburgh didn’t have a lead until time had literally expired. What an absolute cuckjob from Mikey Tomlin. Marvin Lewis finally had a date with the girl of his dreams, wined and dined her all the way home until Mikey swooped in outside his apartment and put the old charm on her. How in God’s name does Marv still have a job? The world may never know. Andy Dalton played out of his mind, doing his best to impress his Daddy Roethlisberger. 20-10 in the fourth quarter and somehow they still blew it. I get thats only ten points but two possessions in the final fourth should be safe enough to not piss it all away. Words can’t describe my disappointment in this moment, the Bengals and Ravens seem to blow it every chance they get and Lord knows the dumpster fire in Cleveland isn’t getting put out any time soon. Two weeks until the big matchup and I have complete confidence that New England is coming out on top of the AFC.


On a side note what a scary play that was for Ryan Shazier. No matter how impactful he is to a rival’s playoff push, when an injury threatens a man’s potential ability to ever play with his kids again your stomach turns a little bit. That type of injury always makes me want to just turn the game off, and it always makes me wonder how those guys can go back out there after seeing such a tragedy.

All in all, I hate the AFC North and always will. To be fair I’ve developed a soft spot for poor Cinci. Always watching your team get so close to. beating a rival and consistently coming up short is funny but sad, and that’s a Catch 22 folks.

#FireMarv #MarvTheCuck #RedRifleCan’tShoot

Author: Woody


One thought on “An Open Letter To The AFC North

  1. I love this! Woody, Doug and Supp, keep it coming! Can someone do an expose centering on the futility and generally bad football displayed by the Bengals franchise over the years. I have a soft spot for them what with their psychedelic helmets and the Icky shuffle. But please, the Monday night game with its gaffes (remember Bell sauntering into the end zone down the sideline with 2 Bengals watching helplessly like dodo birds) was emblematic of 21st century Bengals football. Don’t mean to be harsh but that’s the truth!


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