If you’re not in tune with the NFL media than you may not know much about Chris Simms, and you should probably keep it that way. Day after day he spews garbage takes on various outlets and rarely provides insight further than the graphics on the screen in front of him. The most recent outburst was live on Dan LeBetard’s ESPN radio show in which Simms called Blake Bottles the 70th best quarterback in the National Football League. Before we get into the take let me refresh your memory on what a dumpster fire Chris’s NFL career was. In a barnburning five season run, the lefty started just 16 games to the tune of 12 touchdowns and 18 interceptions. Even worse Chris wasn’t even the most talented quarterback in his family, but more on that later. As for this terrible, terrible take he’s essentially saying that every single NFL teams’ starting AND backup quarterbacks, plus seven other third stringers are all better than the guy that just one a playoff game coming off a career year. Nobody’s saying Blake Bortles is a top five quarterback, or even top twenty for that matter but he sure as hell isn’t out of the top SEVENTY. What’s even weirder about all of this is that this isn’t the first time Simms has come at Bortles. Multiple times over his short media stint has he taken misplaced jabs at a pretty non-controversial player in Blake Bortles. What an idiot.
The shining light at the end of this moronic tunnel is the hero none of us knew we needed in Tony Boselli. I’m not going to lie, before this story struck through social media I had no idea who the hell this guy was. After a little research though it turns out ol’ Tony B wasn’t too shabby back in his day, as he was drafted with the Jaguars first ever NFL draft pick at second overall in 1995. A little problematic sidetone is that Big Boselli has been on the preliminary Hall of Fame ballot every single one of the last nine years, without ever getting the votes to be inducted. Either way after Simms spewed the worst take of the year candidate to the world Boselli called in with a quickness to grab Simms through the phone and noogie him until there was nothing but scalp on that smug little head. Boselli said that the only thing Simms had ever done was almost die on the field, as well as make very public his thoughts on where Chris stood in the family quarterback depth chart. It was last, by the way.
Image from Big Cat Country
What an All-American Hero this guy is, and has there ever been a stronger argument for a Hall of Famer then this? A beautiful family, an outstanding NFL career cut short by injuries, then mended over a decade and a half later through there bashing of a truly hated public figure. Still not a hundred percent sure on who this Tony Boselli guy is, but I can assure he is officially a friend of the company. Long live Tony Boselli, pour one out for Blake Bortles and with all my heart, fuck Chris Simms.